Why a Girls Holiday is Still Ok When You Become A Mum

On Friday night two weeks ago, I had my bags packed and ready to leave the airpot to head to Ibiza for my best friends Hen Do. Before deciding to commit to the Hen Do, I had a lot of worries and doubts and even considered backing out of my best friends important weekend, all because I had the mum guilt. Mum guilt is very real and I get it in waves about the smallest and simplest of things, so you can imagine what kind of guilt I was feeling about leaving my baby for a long weekend. After some long discussions with the other half, who insisted that I went, I secured my place with my deposit and off I went the other weekend on what I would class as one of the best long weekends away I've had in a long time. I know a lot of us mums get thrown in situations where we feel torn between choosing our children and our desire to do things for ourselves; More often or not our babies win every time (and rightly so), but every now and again it's ok to do something for yourself. So today I thought I'd sit down and tell you why it's ok to get out the house and let your hair down once in a while. Grab a drink and some cake if you have some lying around as this is probably going to be a long post as I have a lot to say about getting over the mum guilt fear.

Lets start from the top. Before deciding to go on the hen do I had a list of reasons longer than my arms as to why I shouldn't go, the obvious one being that I've never left Archie for a long period of time. The longest he's ever been away from me in three years is two nights when he stayed at my mums and she's only up the road, so it never felt like a big deal. I was so worried about how he would cope with me not being there. Things like 'what if he got sick?' or 'what if he's a little upset and wants a mummy cuddle?' all went through my mind - I'm sure you'll be nodding your head that its probably every mums worst nightmare not being there for your children. Don't get me wrong, I knew Archie would be in good hands as James is very much a hands on dad - But it's always me who Archie wakes up first thing in the morning and it's me he reaches for first when he's upset and just wants to sit down and get cosy; How on earth is my baby boy going to cope without me for four days straight?

Another issue I had was the actual hen do itself;  I would be going away abroad without my family. Like with most families, we are pretty tight and love spending all our free time together. So far we've only taken Archie on holiday around the UK as we feel that taking him abroad at such a young age would be more faff and a bit of waste of money as he won't remember or appreciate it. But there I was spending a fair bit of money on a weekend trip to Ibiza, when that money could have easily paid for a weeks holiday abroad with just the three of us - Another guilt box ticked.

My final alarm bell was stressing if it was ok to take my mum hat completely off for a long period of time. I've done nights out since Archie was born, but I've always come home and the mum hat is firmly on as soon as I get in that taxi on the way home. I wasn't just staying away overnight, I was going to be in another country and I worried that I wasn't being fair on everyone around me because I would be putting my mum title to one side and live a couple of days as Danielle, something I've not done since pre-pregnancy. When you think about it like that, It's kind of a big deal.

So the big question is, how did I get over this guilt and fear? Well, actually it was a lot easier than I thought and I'm just going to say it loud and clear now...Going away for even one night, let alone four is perfectly ok and you deserve to go out and enjoy yourself. A few months after I had Archie one of my best friends who is also a mum said to me 'Danielle you have to remember you are your own person as well as mum and you can't forget who you are or what you were like before you had Archie'. It's something that's always stuck with me and she's completely right. If you spend every day of every year just being a mum and doing mum things, you will loose all of your identity completely. This friend of mine also came along to the hen do and she reminded me of her words of wisdom before I committed to paying my deposit.

Before they holiday I had major anxiety about the whole thing. I'm not one to really talk about anxiety issues here on my blog, I'm the silent worrier and over thinker - But to help me get over my fears and worries I thought about the future and long term. Being a mum is not just about being there for your child when they need you, it's also about being a good role model and showing them that life is for living and for adventure. I freelance, blog and work part time not only to help provide for my family, but so I can still have my own independence - I really want Archie to learn how important this is growing up. So why can't I also show him that it's also ok to have time apart from each other (because let's face in the future he won't worry about leaving me) and show him that I much more than just his mum.

I think the mum guilt is something that will live with me forever, but what would be the worst that could happen if I went away and did something for myself? Yes, anything can happen but all I would have to do is catch the next flight home and I would be back with Archie. After breaking things down, I realised that if Archie really needed me then I would be there in a heart beat. And as for worrying about being selfish and going on my own holiday without my family - I think the only way to get over this guilt is to speak with your family and make sure you have that strong support network around you. I was encouraged by everyone to go on this holiday. When I think about it I've gone almost four years without doing something truly for myself, not on this scale anyway. I don't like using the words 'I deserved it' because I don't think I should take priority over everyone else, but every mum does deserve to take that mum hat off every once in a while.

The crazy thing is, as soon as I got to the airport and met up with the girls all those anxious feelings, well apart from getting through security with all my liquids - That has my heart racing! When I met up with the girls everyone was in high spirits and it was fits of giggles and laughter from the moment we left to the moment we returned. I guess it helped that the majority of us who went are all mothers and are at a similar stage in life. But what shocked me the most is that I really let my hair down and throughly enjoyed every minute. The mum hat never fully comes off, every morning I woke up after a few hours sleep and had a FaceTime chat with Archie and there was a constant flow of photos coming through keeping me updated on his little adventures whilst I was away. The mum hat kind of stays on, but the mum guilt left me and I made the choice to make the most of every minute that I was away.

As it turns out, going away for a few days is just what I needed. Although our destination meant a lot of partying and drinking, I came back feeling refreshed, inspired and had a new spring in my step. I was ready to give Archie all my attention, felt like I had the energy to do all those everyday little things that you have to do as a mum. I did feel a bit physically deflated, but only because of the type of holiday went on, but what's important is that my mind felt totally refreshed. I was reminded what it felt like to be Danielle again and just how important friends and spending time with them really are and how being with people that bring out the best in you can do wonders for your mindset and soul.

Being a mum is tough and hard work, but being a mum and taking the time to self care and self love can be even harder. I just want to remind you all that taking a little break is okay and that every once in a while you need to do something for you.

Let me know if you've been in any situations where you've had mum guilt and how you've gotten over them. Also mamma's start thinking about that girls holiday! Where would you travel too?